Breathing Room
Learning to Back-Up and Give Room
It’s probably no coincidence that whenever I take one of those online quizzes that purports to answer the question — if you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be? — I come up as German Shepherd.
High drive. Focused. A propensity for being in charge. A deep desire for order and getting shit done.
Yep. That about covers it.
The conundrum, however, comes in knowing that while my outward energy is very much along these lines, my true self inclines to the meditative, introspective and, even (don’t laugh) easygoing.
It’s a learned behavior, actually. In the process of truly embracing my leadership, a big part of it has been learning to back up and give people breathing room; because my innate tendency to steam forward — no matter what the context — doesn’t align so well with group dynamics.
When I’m excited about something I can sometimes forget that all relationships (regardless of work, friend, family or intimate) require breathing room. Kind of like when you see plants being choked in a garden overrun by a vine that’s triumphantly and often beautifully wrapped itself around the scene. One must pull that vine back, guide its growth and occasionally prune back pieces in order to allow all the great beauty to have room — breathing room.
Of course in those moments where I get uncomfortable or find myself facing one of those lovely and occasionally persnickety moments of personal growth, muscle memory snaps back and I charge forward.
In other words, even communication ninjas have their moments. It’s absolutely been a journey and the good news is that being more aware than I used to be, I can see that behavior when its starting and shift.
It’s a four step process:
- Stop — whatever I’m doing or about to do, saying or about to say, thinking or feel the thought arise. Just. Stop.
- Look — assess the situation. Is what I presume is happening, actually happening? More often than not my do/say/think situation is triggered by feelings of something old. Not the thing in front of me at all.
- Choose — what will the new choice be? Shall I merely revert to the old way or do I pick a new path?
- JUST F*CKING DO IT — take action (or not) say the thing (or don’t) let the thought fly (or whoosh it away). Whatever the case, I get to take action, let go of the bullshit story underneath it and build new muscle memory.
